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India's hyper-aggressive gameplan

04-Sep-2015
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Virat_Kohli_India_cricket_captainDuring the just-concluded tour of Sri Lanka, Indian captain Virat Kohli praised Ishant Sharma for losing his cool and getting into fights with Dhammika Prasad and Dinesh Chandimal, saying that the aggression bolstered Ishant's performance.

Apparently, this is going to be part of team India's new "aggressive" gameplan. Kohli and Ravi Shastri will find the angriest Indian cricketers around to assemble the most aggressive, angriest, head-banging-est team in international cricket.

Kohli of course, as is fitting for a captain, intends to lead from the front where aggression is concerned. He's already scheduled meetings with language professors from 8 universities to expand his vocabulary of invective, expletives, and swear words.

 

Reports indicate that a sign-language teacher will be on the staff to ensure more effective nonverbal communication.

The biggest surprise was left for last. Kohli announced that the most aggressive Indian player in recent history will open both the batting and the bowling for team India: S. Sreesanth.

The fiery pace bowler with an even more fiery mouth will make his return to the national side as a shining example to younger players of the various ways in which aggression can be expressed. Captain Kohli has guaranteed that Sreesanth and Harbhajan Singh will be together for every moment of training to maximise their aggressive output.

Kohli ended by talking about more new players getting their national debuts.

"We're always on the lookout for more aggressive players to join the team. I've actually heard from our cricket scouts about a guy who would be perfect. His name is Bruce Banner, and we're trying to give him a cap as soon as possible. I think we'll really like him when he's angry."

 


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Nandan Krishnaswamy is a copywriter who reads too much in his spare time. He played cricket as a ch...

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