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Interview with a cricketer


Interview of a cricketerEverytime players are asked if they're overpaid or not, they reply by saying playing cricket is like any other job only with a shorter shelf-life. Well, that fact is pretty much non-debatable. So, after a cricketer has studied the art of cricket in his formative years of schooling and then garnered a degree in the same, he sets about building an impressive resume. It might be tarnished with a bit of indiscipline and a few alcohol riddled escapades, but that hardly takes away from the impressive number of centuries scored out on the field. If anything it only adds value in terms of getting advertisiments for some side pocket money. Or is that the main income..?

Anyway, let's take a look at a typical interview of a typical cricketer applying for a typical cricket team. How typical!

Interviewer: Good morning. How are you today?
Cricketer: Inshallah! Thanks to allah, I'm doing fine. Just a little hungover.

I: So you were out partying last night? Hmm..(Secretly ticks the box under requirements which says can work late nights) How many pegs did you have?
C: I don't really remember, but after a couple of beers, I had 3-4 tequilla shots, licked a bit of salt and sucked a lime out of a cheerleader's belly-button. I hope she doesn't charge me for molestation. After that, another round of beer, a few pegs of vodka and then I don't remember what happened next but that cheerleader was not behaving like a proper woman.

(Interviewer ticks box next to stamina)

I: We'll take care of that situation, if we recruit you. Do you specialise in any discipline – either batting, bowling or a brilliant fielder?
C: Not really. I do a bit of everything. I can hit a six off the first ball and then swing and miss a bit before getting out. With the ball, I dabble around a bit with off spin and a really crippled and slow military medium pace. In the field, I don't dive out of my skin but I can assure you I will keep my laundry bill to the minimum.

(Interviewer ticks box next to all-rounder and economical)

I: That's good to hear. So far you're doing pretty well. One thing that bothers us is you don't seem to stick with any company for too long. We notice you have represented 'Equally retarded kings' , 'Yeah right kings XI' , 'Out of charge XI' and many more. How come? Are you a team player?
C: Actually these teams were impressed with my performance. I can take a team to top of the table and have good skills under the table as well. Just like a guy who dates many women is called a player, I am a team player. The financial benefits of cavorting to a varied variety of different teams far supercedes the respect received by staying loyal to a particular team for an extended period of a chronological element called time.

I: You mean, you got more money right?
C: No, you're twisting it to create a controversy. I meant what I said.

[Interviewer ticks box next to can run around the field(bush)]

I: How are your media skills? Will you be able to attend a press conference?
C: Oh yes. I handle various media quite efficiently. My tweets are a riot or cause a riot – one of the two. My FB page has a lot of followers and they comment regularly on my posts. They say they love me, but really they don't. I feel so lonely sometimes. That's the only reason I actually party. Deep down, my life is really empty. Lol. That was just a demonstration of my acting skills. Interacting with the media will be a cakewalk.

I: When do you arrive for a press conference?
C: One to Two hours late. The timing has to coincide with the journalists feeling somewhere in between fresh and pissed tired.

I: Any questions about the team doing poorly..
C: We played good cricket, but unfortunately a few things didn't come toghether.

I: If someone throws a shoe at you...
C: Analyse the condition of the shoe. If good, ask for the pair and walk away with an awesome pair of shoes. If bad, yell security.

(Interviewer ticks box next to Good media skills)

I: Thank you Mr. Cricketer. I think we have all we need. Let me just talk to my seniors and get back to you. We can discuss pay later.
C: Alright. Cheers!

The next day the interviewer calls up our star spangled cricketer.

I: We have some good news. We would like to recruit you.

The cricketer with a fake sympathy in his voice covered up with a spoonful of mirth says, "I'm sorry, but I was recruited by 'Money talks XI' last night...

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