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Split Wide Open


After a decent start the Indian team is faltering again. The other news doing the rounds is the spat between the captain MS Dhoni and vice-captain Virender Sehwag. We caught hold of a source from the Indian dressing room who narrated the actual incident which took place triggering the dispute between the senior Indian players. The following are excerpts from his narration:
Four Domino’s pizza boxes were lying on the common dining room near the dressing room. I had brought them. Dhoni had ordered and I had gone for collecting them. After a long time MS was ordering pizzas for lunch and everybody knows they are his personal favorite and he was really looking forward to having them. It was also strictly mentioned that Dhoni would personally distribute the pizzas to everybody in equal proportions regardless of seniority, current form or talent. A few guys were practicing in the nets. The in-form Gautam Gambhir and the lone rising star Virat Kohli came into the room.
Source: Hey guys! How was the new mall?
Gambhir: It was quite nice man with inbuilt go-karting. Should have taken MS. We really enjoyed. Oh Wow! Look Virat what’s for lunch!
Virat: Oh boy it’s pizzas. I am sure MS ordered them. Where are the other guys?
Source: They are practicing in the nets. I saw Sehwag was practicing his upper cut straight to third man quite successfully again. 
Gambhir: What about Mr. ExtremelyTalentedbutInexplicablyInconsistent Rohit? Is he also practicing?
Source: Yes he was giving slip catching practice to Sachin and MS.
Kohli: I think Rohit is the right guy to replace Sachin. He is playing in the same way as Sachin is playing before getting the 100th ton. What about Ashwin man?
Source: Well he was practicing running out guys from the non-striker’s end and bowling with his goggles on. By the way I scored a century in my last match. Don’t you guys think I should get a match at least?
Gambhir: You scored it against West Indies in India right! That’s a piece of cake man and moreover you have to win 2 finals for CSK and hit Ajantha Mendis for 4 sixes in a row to guarantee a place in Dhoni's team? Have you done that?
Source: No but I have never played against Sri Lanka…
Gambhir: No right! So no further discussion is required! Hey, by the way, did any one of you watch the ODI series between England and Pakistan? How can you explain the same Pakistani team who did so well in tests getting whitewashed by England in the 50-50 format?
Kohli: Ishant told me that Strauss got his number from somewhere and called him. He asked Ishant the contact number of his numerologist. I guess Strauss might be doing some black magic to reverse his fortunes.
Gambhir: The food is getting cold. I think we should call the guys. Did anybody call Sachin?
Source: I called him. He said we can carry on as he is already full after having Boost and Sunfeast biscuits.
Suddenly Sehwag came into the room.
Sehwag: Hey guys what’s up! Oh great! Pizzas!  Open them! I am too hungry.
Gambhir: But MS has enforced strict guidelines that he will distribute the pizzas himself.
Sehwag: Leave MS man. Who is more senior in the team? Me right? So I will have it first. MS can distribute the leftovers to everyone else later. Moreover I am fed up of his rotation policies. I think he has misinterpreted the team management’s ideas. He has been asking me to rotate my head 12 degrees more while batting and 14.5 degrees while bowling man! Did he ask anyone of you too to do such ridiculous things?
Virat: Well yeah he asked me to stand at point facing towards third man. I know rotation policy is mandatory but how will I see the ball that way?
Sehwag nodded in approval, gobbled up two pizzas and left. After a couple of minutes Dhoni came into the room.
Dhoni: Hey guys, looking cool. Wow the pizzas have arrived! Hey but I ordered four boxes. Where are the other two boxes?
Source: Sehwag finished them.
Dhoni: What? That’s disgusting! Now I am mad. After the loss in the next game, in the press conference I will show who the boss around here is.
We all know what happened after that. The Source in this article is Manoj Tiwary (but you knew that already didn’t you?). 

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