The BCCI met behind closed doors in their Special General Meeting (SGM) with a single objective; to tender a life ban to Lalit K Modi, the mastermind and former chairman of the IPL. Even before the meeting commenced, the BCCI banned Modi for life from holding any position in Indian cricket. Not IPL chairman, not 69, nothing.

With great difficulty our guy managed to hear what went on in the meeting. Our news source (NS) revealed that one member was adamant he be served his tea with one cube of hypocrisy and a dash of ginger. The main topic of discussion was lunch, followed by MS Dhoni's new haircut.

Srini : What's for lunch today?

Crony 1 : Aloo Modi and stir fry Lalit with Roti. For dessert, we have Lorgatgullas.

Srini : Sounds good. When do we eat?

Crony 2 : As soon as we get done with business

Srini : All in favour of banning Modi say, "Srini is our mama. We love him and his son-in-law is our son-in-law."

Cronies chorus : "Srini is our mama. We love him and his son-in-law is our son-in-law."

Srini : It's decided then. Lunch?

Crony 28 : What is your Dhoni doing, by the way? Why does he have a toilet brush on his head?

Srini : Careful 28 or the next meeting will be about banning you. Now, lunch.

The animosity towards Modi was as glaring as the members' revulsion at the Lorgatgullas. As they rose to leave at the sound of burps, with members making chair sounds to cover up the indigestion of Aloo Modi, NS snucked out quietly to give us this report. We salute his bravery and wish him a speedy recovery. He fell ill due to his body's intolerance to BS – bullshit.