| Anil of the absurd |
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| Written by Jarrod Kimber | |
| Saturday, 19 January 2008 | |
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The 600th wicket happened
a few days ago, but there has been a test on, and even though it’s a
great effort, Anil is a man of patience, so I knew he could wait.
I have spent many hours looking at Anil, and I still can’t understand how he gets wickets.
I bowled a lot of straight leg spinners, most of them got slogged over mid wicket.
Not once did a coach say to me, hey sh1t ©unt, you bowl alright, but your spinning the ball a bit much, hold back and bowl some straight ones. I don’t understand David Lynch films either, everyone is weird, the music is odd, the plot makes no sense, but at the end of the film I like what I've seen. Same as Kumble. Of all the great modern spinners he is the one you’d back yourself to get through an over of. You probably wouldn’t survive, but compared to Warne or Murali, you probably wouldn’t be completely embarrassed. But you would probably miss the straight one. Some people don’t consider him a spinner, but some people don’t consider Hilary Clinton a cold hearted wench, doesn’t change the facts though. If he didn’t wipe his forehead so often, we would wonder if he were a human or not. I mean what sort of a spinner bowls that many balls on a good length, with grace and patience. Steve Waugh always says you wouldn’t lose sleep the day before facing Kumble. This is probably true, but many a batsman has looked at the ceiling of a Delhi hotel thinking to himself, “how the fu©k did I miss another straight one”. He is not so much a bowler, but an artist who uses minimalism to deceive you. Like Samuel Beckett he strips away the reality of spinners needing to turn the ball a mile. He brings bowling back to the very base level of the human condition. Kumble turns batting into an introspection of life itself. The batsman has many questions to face during his spell. Do I go forward, do I go back, is it turning, is it going straight, should I attack, should I defend, when is the right time, is he a leggie, is he an inswinger, can I pick his wrong un, is my penis really satisfying my partner? A normal bowler tries to beat the batsmen, Kumble makes you define the very idiom of bastmanship. Then he bowls the straight one. Trust me, it is very hard to bat whilst thinking about idioms, especially when Kumble is probing at you with minimalism. Off the field he handles himself with a quiet calmness, sort of like an Indian Richie Benaud. He is smooth, classy, clever, respected and dignified at all times. Then he bowls the straight one. Don't try and understand the straight one, just accept it for what is is, another wicket to the great man.
(Jarrod
Kimber, (Uncle J Rod to you) was born in a cricket family of fast
bowlers, tail enders and bat throwers. So he became a leg spinning
opening batsmen who enjoyed sledging. After the odd run in with
selectors (damn muppets) he decided to hang up his boots, sit on his
couch and fire up his laptop. He takes cricket as serious as cancer.
When not here he can be found at www.cricketwithballs.com, offending South Africans and calling Tony Grieg a pervert.)
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