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Cricket Jokes
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Blog Entry - Blog Monday, 10 March 2008 10:04
Contributed by HW    (35438 views)

The nature of cricket is such that it leaves ample spaces for life to ebb and flow. Wit and humour are its most obvious manifestations.

We’re collecting cricket stories from wherever we can, for entertainment and illumination alike. And we welcome any stories you can add to our kitty; drop us a line at holdingwilley@cartwheelcreative.com. We’ll acknowledge every contribution we get.

Cricket Jokes

 
- A Yorkshireman had emigrated to America, but still used to receive news from home by mail. One day, he got the following telegram: 'Regret father died this morning STOP early hours. Funeral Wednesday STOP Yorkshire two hundred and one for six STOP Boycott not out ninety six.'


- The captain of a team says to the Umpire, "My players want to know if there is a penalty for thinking." The Umpire says, "No." The captain says, "Well we think you're an asshole, then."


- Two pigeons were talking as they stood on the boundary watching the game. 'Now here's what we do,' 'We wait till the bowler runs up and bowls, and then, as the batsman hits it, we suddenly fly up over the stand. It gets the crowd every time!'


- The cricketer was visiting the psychiatrist.

Cricketer: 'It's terrible. I can't score runs, I'm a terrible bowler, and I can't hold a catch. What can l do?

Doctor: 'Get another job.'

Cricketer: 'I can't. I'm playing for Australia tomorrow!’


- An expectant father rang the hospital to see how his wife was getting on.

By mistake he dialled the number for Lord's.

"How's it going?" he asked.

"Fine," came the answer, "We've got two out already and hope to have the rest out before lunch. The last one was a duck.


- Brown and Robinson were two old men who were fierce rivals at cricket. One day, they decided to see who was the better player by having a game between them selves. Brown laboured for an hour to score twelve runs, but was bowled by the only straight ball he received. Both men were exhausted, and Robinson decided that he was too tired to bat and made for the pavilion, even though Brown had only to bowl at the empty wicket and break it to win.

As he lay slumped in the pavilion, an amused on looker strolled in and said, 'Congratulations.'

'What do you mean?' said Robinson.

'Haven't you heard?' said the spectator. 'Brown bowled thirteen wides!'


- Two aliens were visiting Earth to research the local customs.

They split up so that they could learn more in the time allowed.

When they met to share their knowledge, the first alien told of a religious ceremony it had seen.

"I went to a large green field shaped like a meteorite crater. Around the edges, several thousand worshippers gathered. Then two priests walk to the centre of the field to a rectangular area and hammer six spears into the ground, three at each end. Then eleven more priests walk out, clad in white robes. Then two high priests wielding clubs walk to the centre and one of the other priests starts throwing a red orb at the ones with the clubs."

"Gee," replied the other alien, "what happens next?"

"Then it begins to rain."
 

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  • Paul edmond on 2010-08-14 21:33:54
    A man out sorts cricket wise was posted on the long boundary during a village Sunday game. He ended up in front of an elderly couple having a picnic. The old gent pointed out that the cricketers boot lace had come undone and could be dangerous if not attended to. The young man about to bend over and tie his lace thought it rude to show his backside the the nice old couple so he turned to face them and bent to tie his lace. The old gent shouted look out.... but too late the ball heading way over the boundary struck and stuck firmly in the cricketers backside with the force of a cannon ball. He was poleaxe. He was taken off and advised to visit either A&E or at least his doctors to get the injury seen to. Next morning he called see his GP who expresses his amazement at the huge and still spreading contusion on the unfortunate's behind, he could even make out the seam and the beginning of the words made in Pakistan from the label.
    The doc told the guy to get dressed and proceeded to write a prescription for some pain relief.
    The cricketer said 'it's not just the pain doc it's the psychological effect it's having on me' the doc looked puzzled, the cricketer said 'all my friends have started to ridicule me' ..............the Doc said 'oh how's that then'........the guys said 'oh for gods sake don't you start' ! :0
  • Paul edmond on 2010-08-14 21:15:51  - the old ones are the old ones
    Geoff Boycott was ambling along a country lane on his way to a charity game on a lovely Sunday morning. He walked past a gate where a white horse had it's head characteristically over the top bar, the horse nodded and as G.B. walked past, the horse said 'i know you, your Geoff Boycott', 'ows it goin' Boycks, after a brief conversation the horse persuaded G.B. to get a bat and ball out of his bag the horse used a tree as a wicket. The horse hit some of the finest shots G.B. had ever seen. As they were playing the aussies next week, first test at Lords, Boycott persuaded the board to pick the horse for the game and to open for England. The great day came and Demon fast bowler Dennis Lilley was not at all happy, the pommes are taking the P*** big time. However he put more effort into his run up than any one had ever seen and bowled six of the fastest balls ever recorded................the horse scored 36 off the opening over including two balls out of the ground. The crowd went mad with delight. Thommo was next and raging mad bowled a screamer at Boycott who played a superb single and ran to the other end. The horse stood still at the wicket and Boycott was run out. Red faced and very angry he snarled at the horse as he past 'why didn't you run yer Pratt........the horse sniffiley replied 'don't be daft Boycks if i could run I'd be at bloody Epsom !
    :D

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Last Updated on Thursday, 03 November 2011 15:20
 
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